Wind of change
by Fictifs-Therapy
Summary: A story about how Ruzek finds his way to Burgess, during a lonely and cold night. [Multichapters, Burzek]
1. Chapter 1

Nothing makes sense at all, absolutely nothing. Where were the old days? He tries to remember it, every night when Wendy is sound asleep, but he can't figure it out. Adams has no idea how he fell in love with that girl, he doesn't have any proof she still is the one for him, he has, just, nothing. Only memories. And they're so far away from his reach. He knows one thing though: nothing is going the way it's supposed to. He's getting married in a few weeks, he should think about the flowers, the ceremony, the dance or whatever people think about before they get married... But he doesn't think about all that. His mind is somewhere else and beyond all that, his heart is somewhere else too. That's kind of the problem by the way. Adam gets up and looks at his fiancée besides him, he needs some fresh air, he needs a way out... Literally.

He stops thinking, gets dressed and without destroying every piece of furniture in his way, he finds his way out. The night is cold and he finds himself shivering instantly but he doesn't care. He doesn't know what time it is but gets in his car and drives. For a moment, that's just him and the road... But that's just a passing moment. He knows he can't stop it, no matter how hard he would try. He thinks about _her_, he thinks about his lips on hers. On repeat. The thoughts and feelings are overwhelming: her sweet and poisonous taste, the way her body longed for his, her hand around his neck, he remembers every second of it.

Ruzek doesn't do much thinking, normally speaking. He is the kind of guy who follows his instincts and deals with all the consequences afterwards. This time, he senses the difference. He wants to be detached, he really, really do but a large part of him can't afford that. If his mind stops for only a minute, who knows what will happen? He could destroy everything he worked for, he could deny years of building a true relationship only an impulse. He is getting married, his whole family will be there and Adam knows how much his mum loves the company of Wendy. Could he really deny her this life just because he's become cold feet? Is it only that, though? He has no idea.

Every thought he has brings this conclusion and it's not enough, not for Wendy, not for him and certainly not for Kim. She is the most generous and honest woman he has ever met. Adam doesn't want to change her, she's probably the best person he has met yet. That's hard to realize it and he doesn't want to do something foolish so...

He stops in front of Olinsky's yard. Strangely, he's out there, sit in a chair, drinking a beer and watching the stars or something that looks like it. In a few weeks, Alvin has become the best friend he's never had. Ruzek feels weird about it, what they have is not conventional, in any way. Adam lies in the grass, next to the cop and closes his eyes. For a few seconds, he forgets. Why his car brought him here, why he is a mess in every sense of the word and then...

"You're gonna call it off, then?", Olinsky is still not looking at him, he doesn't need to, he just understands. His marriage was a failure, Adam knows that for a fact and that's maybe why he's here. He can trust him.

"I just... I fucking don't know.. If I do that... Who will I be?", and his voice shivers a little at the end. His eyes meet Olinsky's and he knows his answer. He already knows. Alvin throws a beer at him and Adam catches it somehow.

"That would make you a true man, Ruzek.", Olinsky always sounds like his dad and this fact makes him grin a little when he takes a sip of his beer.

"Not a fucking coward. If you don't love the girl or if you doubt you love her, there must be a reason, a good one. Why would you end up like me, hum?", Adam looks up at him and sees a hint of darkness in his eyes. His divorce still hurts him but He doesn't show a goddamn thing, that's what makes him Alvin Olinsky, he's a shield, a warrior in a way no one could understand, except Adam, because they're more alike than even himself has imagined before.

"It still hurts, man? Will it always be?", he really wants to know. If he makes this choice now, will it be truly over?

"That's up to you to figure it out, kid. Do you want it to hurt for a longtime or do you wanna end it, now?" And Olinsky rises up, taps him on the shoulder and disappears in the garage he calls home now.

His last words hit him hard. Adam stays still for a while, finishes his beer and Olinsky's and by the time he gets up again, he has forgotten the promise he made to himself: to not act on a true impulse. However, he doesn't care anymore. He just has to know, he has to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

He finds the strength to fight the cold and an hour later, Adam is in front of her building. It's maybe two or three in the morning but the alcohol in his blood has erased that fact. Ruzek stays here, watching the street lights littering with intensity. For a while, he's captivated by the precious ray of light vanishing into darkness before coming around again and then, his dark eyes focus on the building. She's up there, somewhere and he needs to step up before it's too late, before his consciousness tells him to take a few steps back and never coming here ever again. He approaches the door and stops. He's thinking again, everything seems clear in his head but his muscles refuse to move. He wants her. He doesn't have the right to want anything from her. He longs for her. He is supposed to be in bed, sleeping besides his fiancé. A headache is coming, he can feel it when he passes his hand through his hair, quite awkwardly. He shouldn't be here. And when he turns around, he sees a shape walking towards him and then...

"Ruzek? Is that you? Do you realize it's two in the morning?", and Adam looks at Kim with this smoldering look, only him can do. He can't speak and the fact Burgess is now very close to him paralyses him in a way he wouldn't have thought possible before that day.

"Eh, Adam, are you okay? Did something happen?", that worried tone is going to be the death of him and the fact she calls him Adam makes him shiver but it is clearly not from the cold. He intents a smile but fails massively when her hand touches and squeezes his arm. His eyes meet hers and for once, he is speechless. She is a pure beauty, Kim is natural, she doesn't need to apply any make-up on her face to be the perfection she is. He loves her that way. In fact, he loves everything about her. And that hits him even more than Olinsky's words.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I shouldn't have come, it's not a big deal, Burgess, I'm... I'm sorry I bothered you." She has run, maybe for hours, he can see the tint of pink on her cheeks, her breathing still a bit hard after the race and damn, he can't even think straight and leaves before it's too late. He just can't move.

"Don't be silly, we both need a coffee anyway and now you're here, I think you owe me an explanation, don't you think?" He smiles even if the only thing that comes through his ming is that damn kiss of ours, several days ago. She acts like it never happened, they both agreed they would forget but that arrangement sucked all the way for him. He follows her in the building and he knows he has to behave like himself, being Adam seems like a curse any other day but that night, it is a duty. The stairs are not too difficult to overcome so he can allow himself some words.

"Did I tell you what happens next in the monks story?", and a ravishing smile appears on his face when she turns around to look at him, quite interested. "I don't think you did. Actually, you didn't even tell me the story itself if I remember correctly", and she opens the door of her flat and invites him in with a grateful hand gesture.

"So what about it, then?", she closes the door behind him, takes off her coat and looks at him with a genuine smile, like she always do when he's about to speak.

"Well, I told you how the moral of the story is to never carry around your problems with you and just move on? The two monks never really applied it to their case. In fact, they forgot it on their way home. They met a woman and they asked her to tell them a little story about her and her past. Three stories later, the two monks asked her another and then another, it was endless. Some people say, they both fall in love that day.. That might be the truth, who knows? Anyway, they carried on their journey and when finally, they got home... They just stopped praying. Do you know why?", Adam could tell by the way she looked at him that she was truly captivated by his story. She shakes her head, finds her way to the couch and sits, waiting for him to join her. He finally does and looks at her chewing his lower lip in anticipation.

"They didn't need to anymore. They had found love. They had found happiness, even if it was fleeting or passing by them... They carried the memory with them, they never moved on. They never could. So, yeah, I suppose you never should keep your problems on your shoulders but the memories of it, the feelings that came with it? Cherish them. Never get past them." And in his head, Adam speaks about them. Him and her. Their kiss. He can't forget, he cherishes the memory like it's gold and she wants it to be gold in her head to.

"Wow, you are getting better at that, aren't you? But... Why do I have the feeling it came to you during the last-minute?", she laughs a bit replacing a lock of her hair behind her ears, looking away from him for a few seconds.

"How would you know that? Are you in my mind, Burgess?", his playful tone is back again and he starts feeling like himself again until she speaks...

"I wish I would be. At least, I'd understand what's going on with you, I'd know why you're here and why the monks are speaking on your behalf, if that even makes sense...", she stopped laughing the minute before and Ruzek is still puzzled by the unfortunate change from her.

"If only I know myself...", he mumbles the words before touching her hand, trying to make eye contact with her, "I better go, you seem... I don't know...", he is not so good with words all of sudden and Burgess removes her hand before rising up.

"What are you doing here at two in the morning? Tell me the truth, Adam, the real truth, I won't tell, you know I'm your friend, right?", well, he knows and that is kind of his problem these days. He rises up too and faces her, only inches from her.

"Are we friends? Do you know, for sure, we are? It doesn't seem to me we're the friends type.. I mean, I don't know but I'd say, Olinsky and I are friends, You and Atwater are friends. You and I? What do we know about each other except the obvious fact we don't know how to act around one another ?", it's cold, he doesn't mean it that way but he can feel Kim tense in front of him, without knowing exactly why.

"You came here because we're not friends then? Sorry, I don't understand why you'd freeze to death in front of the building if we were not friends in the first place. I was here to listen to you but if you don't wanna talk about it, why bother come? Why?" she's the exact Kim she's used to be. She speaks with a warm voice. Even if she's hurt, Adam doesn't see it.

"I... I just...", he knows why. He knows the reason but the words don't want to come. Adam refuses them to be real. If they become real, he would be a cheater, a traitor... But he would not be a coward anymore. He can't talk so he does the thing he's the best at: acting on a true impulse. He approaches Burgess, puts a gentle hand on her cheek and looks at her with this longing look he can never deny. Maybe she will punch him for that but frankly, he doesn't care. He just catches her lips and enjoys it while he can. He wants her. He will always want her, no matter how hard she pushes him away or he tries to avoid her. He needs that. He needs her but is it enough?


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all, I'd like to thank every one of you, readers, for your commitment to this story. A huge thank you for the reviews & follows, keep on doing that, it's very inspiring, I love you all. If you have any requests or suggestions, don't hesitate either, I wanna hold this fic for a while so...**

**I'm so sorry if you see a few mistakes during your reading by the way, I'm french and it's been a while I haven't written anything in english x) *And I'm also sorry if this chapter sucks a little, I'm not satisfied with my writing these days***

**Anyway, this is a new chapter with a slight change of pov, hope you like it, keep reading and most of all, enjoy the Burzek. Cheers x)**

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She never wished for anything like this. Kim is not a home wrecker, that's how she always defines herself and she always intended to keep this motto before today. But he's here. And she's here too. And for a while, the young cop forgets Adams is engaged, he's going to marry Wendy in a couple of weeks. She has no right to let him throw away his life for her, and attraction that came from nowhere, truly. It's always been there, in the air between them and even if Kim has tried to resist for the past few weeks, she cannot forget the truth: she likes him. Really likes him. That's probably why she rejects him most of the time, she cannot let that happen. She cannot be the woman destroying a perfect relationship. Adam has been with Wendy for a longtime now and she is convinced someone exists for her as well. Usually, that state of mind helps her surviving the day without doing anything ambiguous in front of Ruzek. But now? He is the one that came to her flat, he is the one with a secret, not her.

Kim looks at him, she really tries to understand why he is there but that doesn't make sense when she thinks about it. He is in love with Wendy, he will marry her very soon, his whole life is coming to him and she has no place in it. However, Adam kissed her back that night. That was foolish of her, really, to make that move, she knew it was gonna hurt her in some way. And indeed, she was hurt. She still is. Kim cannot stop thinking about that stupid kiss, the fact she was not alone during that moment. Adam and Kim. Kim and Adam. They were real for several seconds and now, she is alone and he is still engaged to another woman. But he's there. At three in the morning. She has to know why so she simply asks because that's something she has learnt over the years: you have to prove yourself and to do that, you have to be yourself and don't hold back. Never hold anything back. She asks. She waits. Adam is torn, she sees that and she is ready to call it a night but then, she has his lips over hers.

She missed it, god she missed him, even if she sees him every day. She responds to his move with eagerness, her lips crashing to his, opening her mouth to let his tongue play with hers. She forgets everything: her story, his fiancé, the world around them. She feels her heart beating fiercely and unconsciously, her hand rests on his chest, the other one behind his neck. She is truly alive, more than that other night in front of her car after a few beers, if that is even possible. She pushes Adam on the couch and takes place on top of him, kissing him like her whole life depended on it. Kim always thinks though, she is not impulsive, she cannot be like that when Adam is around her, she knows that for a fact if she wishes to stay a sane person. Someone with principles, someone who chooses the right path to become a good person. Someone who doesn't cheat, someone as honest as she was until she kissed him for the first time. Wendy. She remembers Wendy. She might lose her head for this but Kim breaks the kiss after a timeless moment. That still was wrong. That will always be wrong under those circumstances.

"You can't keep doing that. You need to push me away, Adam! You're nearly married, I can't do that, I need to stop that from happening ever again." And this time, her voice cracks up when she tries to stand up again, putting as much distance between us as she can.

"I'm sorry. I truly am... I... I can't stop. I tried, trust me, I really tried forgetting our kiss but... I just can't." That's not even a slight excuse for what happened again. Adam knows it and unfortunately, Burgess knows it even more. She pulls back a bit more and leans against the wall, watching the ceiling, eyes closed.

"What is that supposed to mean exactly? Either you marry Wendy or you don't, there's no in between. I can't live a lie, Wendy can't live a lie. You owe that to her, more than to me." She hates herself for pushing him away when she just wanted him but she knows that is the right choice to make. Particularly when Adam has no idea what he was doing most of the time.

"I know. I know." Ruzek lifts up to sit properly on the couch, his head in his hands, trying to think probably. Kim avoids his brown eyes, she even wanted him to leave now. Forever. If he could disappear forever so she can have her life back, breathe normally, be herself again... And not his person. That's what her problem seemed like: her love for him was too overwhelming, somehow, was under his will, without fighting it, even realizing it actually.

"I need some fresh air." Even if they were in her flat, Kim just opens the door and leaves, running down the stairs, almost crying. But she holds back the tears, she is stronger than that, she always will be. In a matter of seconds, Kim was out, in the cold, lonely but still virtuous. She has no idea where she is going, she just wanders in the alley behind her building when she hears a laugh. Barely audible but real. She stops her steps, trying to figure out where this is coming from. She turns around and hears someone called her name. Worried, a bit. Adam was running after her, there was no other explanation and as she lets the idea appeared in her mind, she senses no fear. She should have though because the next thing she feels is the pain at the back of her neck.

"Ada..." But it's already too late. She passes out.

* * *

He cannot let her slip away again. She always finds the way to screw things up but his relationship with Kim couldn't be a part of that category. Even if he doesn't understand it properly, Kim is important to him. She is a ray of sunshine in his life when Wendy is just the pain in the ass he has to cope with because he is used to it. Burgess is different, she understands him, she doesn't need to catch his attentions, that's a natural process. She gets him. He needs to protect her. She enlightens the best part in him. He challenges her. That's how they worked from the beginning and Adam was not ready to let that go over a stupid wedding he never cared for.

By the time he comes back among the living, she's already gone. Adam rises without no second thoughts and runs after her. He cannot screw up this time, he has to do it right. He has to do them right. Even if he has to hurt Wendy in the process, she will get over it eventually whereas he will not be able to do that if he says goodbye to Kim Burgess that night.

He follows her steps but doesn't see her right away. A dark alley is ahead of him and the only thing he could do was basically what you shouldn't do in this kind of places. "Kim!" and he runs again. He's not even remotely tired when he stops again, swearing he heard something. Her voice. And then, he sees her on the ground and two men running away to jump in a dark van, Kim being clearly unconscious by now. He doesn't even think before shouting any insults coming to his mind towards those assholes while running to get to her. Save her. Let her know he loves her.


	4. Chapter 4

**And another one before calling it a night, I have no idea where that came from but I hope you'll find this at least a bit entertaining. Don't hesitate reviewing and all that. You might wait a bit before having a next chapter, I need to judge where this story is going before it gets out of control XD Thank you, once again, cheers x)**

* * *

For once, Adam doesn't even try to arrest the bad guys, he just falls besides her, his hands shaking of fear. What if she is dead? What if he can't save her? What if she never opens her eyes again? Ruzek cannot face that cruel reality so he closes his mind to focus only on the fact she is unconscious, probably hurt and she needs him. Everything else doesn't exist, that's all.

"Burgess! Open your eyes, come on, do that for me, please! I need you here! Come on!" Adam lets his hand slides beneath her head to bring her against him. The other one squeezes her cheek looking for a sign of her consciousness. There's none. At least, she is still breathing, he senses a pulse under his palm and he breathes again, without noticing he stopped for a minute. He cannot lose her, not now, not ever.

"I can't let you go. I'm here to cover your ass, remember? Let me do my fucking job and wake up so I can keep on being an idiot around you. I need you, Burgess, not only to cover my ass when I act recklessly... All the time obviously, I know, but also to make me a better man. I need you to become someone as good and kind as you are. I'm tired of being a jerk who never thinks about the consequences, who loses himself constantly just to avoid making a decision. That's not who I want to be. I want to be the guy who deserves you. I want to be around you... I want to be with you. Wake up!" It's pointless, he needs to think and ultimately, Adam gets he hasn't called 911 yet. What an idiot, seriously. He dials the number while he still can control the frenetic shaking of his hands.

They're on their way, that should reassure him but it doesn't. He feels blood on his palm and when he checks it out, red has made its territory on the back of her head. "Shit! No!" and the ambulance doesn't seem to come quickly enough. "Come on, come on. Kim, stay with me!", his whole body is shaking now and he doesn't even chase the tear flooding from his right eye. Adam is crying. Fact. He doesn't care. Not anymore.

* * *

When she wakes up, she feels dizzy and the pain is nearly unbearable. Kim doesn't remember much, not right away, in any case. She opens her eyes, quite slowly with the attack of the light surrounding her. She knows where she is right away: everything is white, gloomy, dead in a way. And then, she sees him and all she can do is smile, even if their last conversation was rough. Adam is here, holding her hand, asleep besides her bed and she tries to squeeze his palm to wake him up. She needs nothing else as he jumps wide awake, grinning like he's used to be.

"If it's your way to cover my ass... I think you need to check your technique on that one... But I forgive you, obviously." She couldn't be mad at him, not when he had those furrowed eyes and she could feel his muscles tensed around her hand. He blames himself, Kim understands it in a heartbeat but she doesn't speak again. She needs to hear his voice, she needs to listen because by the way he acts, something was on his mind.

Indeed, his smile disappears quickly as soon as he is sure she is ok. He lowers his eyes, scratches his temple, trying to hide his thoughts certainly. Kim knows something is up, she always knows these things.

"What's up Ruzek? As far as I know, nobody died. I'm alive and well and I'm not going anywhere... Obviously. Where is your grinning smile that Olinsky hates so much?" Her particular sense of humor is the only thing she has left to cheer him up, even if it seems dumb given she was the one in a hospital bed with a concussion probably.

He looks at her, and her heart beats faster instantly. He has a unique way to plunge his eyes into hers and every time, her body reacts. At that moment, she only wants to be in his arms, the same way she was when her niece was injured. His comfort, that's all she needed. She couldn't move though so she speaks, like she always do.

"Tell me. I can take it. Really. You know I'm a tough one, I always was." His smile appears again when he hears these few words. She earned that one, she believes. Ruzek rises her hand towards his lips and without looking away from her eyes, he kiss one of her knuckles, slowly.

"I know you're strong enough. Surprisingly, that's me who is not. Do you believe it? I'm always the first to run into danger and right now, I can't even move a finger without feeling the pain inside of me..." He stops for a while, trying to find the right words apparently.

"Someone's after us. Intelligence. You're the target at the moment, the first one if we read the message correctly, the last one by the way. The team is working on it though, so you don't need to worry. By the time you're out of here, it will be an old story. For sure." For the first time since she's known him, Kim sees his concern, hidden behind a load of fake confidence, but she doesn't comment. The young woman tries to assimilate the information she's just had. She's been hit, she remembers that pretty well now but for the rest, she has nothing.

"So, what are you doing here instead of working the case?" Kim doesn't even ask why her and why in general someone would attack us. She knows it. They put people behind bars every day, a lot of them want revenge so they just have to figure out who's angry at them right now. Adam swallows and gets closer to her, his hands still surrounding her own.

"I ran after you. I found you, unconscious in that terrible alley, I still have your blood on me and I can't work, Kim. You know why. Deep down, you always knew. I just..." But he cannot finish as his phone starts ringing on the night table and Kim sees the name of the caller. Wendy. The silence comes, Adam doesn't move, incredibly quiet for once.

"Answer it. It's your fiancé, Ruzek. She must be worried, it's..." And Kim looks at the clock at the other end of the room.. "Five in the morning. You're not home. Think about her, please." She doesn't even know why she begs him. Then, she closes her eyes when she feels he lets go of her hand to answer the call in the hallway, too far from her, in her opinion. But still, she knows she made the right thing, once again. Even if she is at the edge of cracking up, for the second time in one night. She holds on. She always does.

* * *

"I can't talk to you now, Wendy. Yeah... I know... I'm sorry, I didn't leave a fucking note but It's work, you know... Calm down... I'm at the hospital... No, I'm not hurt... I really have to go... Whatever... See you." Adam stops his steps in the middle of the corridor, hand on his hip, not even listening to what Wendy is actually saying. He has other things to do, Kim needed him so he hangs up without further notice, the voice of Wendy being cut in the middle of her sentence. Whatever. he enters the room once again and sits beside her bed.

"Sorry about that... I apologize a lot tonight, wow, I sound like Jin during his best days." He smiles, his humor is worthless, Adam massively knows it but he can't stop it when the elephant Wendy is in the room between them.

"You should go home, Adam. Go to sleep. You should go to her. Really." Kim looks away once again, not even denying the awkward moment they're sharing one more time because of Wendy.

"If you think I will leave your side for a minute, you're utterly wrong. What did I teach you two hours ago, hum? I'm a pretty convincing monk, if you haven't noticed. I'm gonna stay right here, carrying our memories around, until the bastards who almost took you away from me... From us, are arrested. End of discussion, Burgess. Don't insist, I'm winning this argument." He smiles, victorious, before making himself more comfortable in his chair, ready to stay awake for a whole week if required.

"For a few seconds, I actually thought you were in love with me. I think my concussion is very serious, actually. I'm fighting you and your cartoon robots, I can't let you win with your stupid smile, right there." Adam freezes for a while, his eyes wide open when looking at her, speechless while Kim points her finger towards his face, ironically.

"I heard the doctors whispering it's not that serious... Go back to sleep before they change their mind." And he looks at his shoes because he knows he avoided the crisis by an inch saying that kind of innuendos. Kim smiles before adding something that will probably sticks with him forever.

"Adam?" He looks at her, concerned. "You are perfect the way you are. You were always kind to me, you were always there for your partner, you're generous enough to deserve anything you want. Don't change because she wants you to, change because you want to." He doesn't move at all, his eyes locked on hers. She heard. She knows.

"And that's why I can't let you slip away from me. That's why I have feelings for you that I haven't for her. I never will have for her." He says quietly before fainting he was trying to fall asleep. He won't, of course, but he can't face her at the moment. He might do something reckless once again and Kim will never forgive him if he reacts that way while he's still officially in an engagement whatsoever. When he opens his eyes again, she's sound asleep and he is satisfied with that fact. Before watching over her, smiling at the least of her moves and changes in her features, Ruzek comes kissing her temple, warmly.


End file.
